Sunday, 28 September 2014


"I like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people's feelings get hurt."
- Summer [ 500 Days of Summer ]

3 years ago, when I was 15 and thought I knew all there was to know about "love", I lived by what Summer said in the movie after getting my heart broken for the first time. 500 Days of Summer was my favourite movie at some point of my life and that particular line just made so much sense to me because it was true. And it still is true. Relationships are messy, and people's feelings do get hurt. Period. 

When you're in a relationship, you get jealous, you fight, some even take advantage of the other, you get upset over the littlest things and it gets so frustrating sometimes you wonder why you even chose to commit to it in the first place... But then you remember the high points of the relationship, like them being there for you and making you happy, and caring about you and being the wall you can lean on for support. It's the most amazing feeling to have that special somebody you can count on for pretty much everything. 

So I guess, when you find somebody. It's not enough to just go with the one who "gets" you or the one who is "nice" to you. It's important to go with someone who is strong enough to go through all of the bad parts of being in a relationship with you. All the positive emotions you feel, will also come with the negatives. It's going to feel like the end of the world when you get into a fight and you are bound to hurt each others' feelings even though that was never the intention, trust me.  We shouldn't over-romanticize love like all the books, movies and songs do. Sure, it feels great when you can relate to them and get all sappy and shit but don't let that idea of love cloud your mind and don't let that influence you on how you should feel or react when something happens. 

Growing up, my parents got a divorce when I was 12. I don't speak of it much, and up until now I often get questions like "You don't talk about your dad a lot. I'm sorry if this is personal but what happened ?" It wasn't pretty, the divorce I mean. The whole thing was ugly A couple of years before the divorce actually happened, I already sensed that things weren't right. It's the worst thing in the world to see your parents arguing, fighting, even screaming at each other. It was scary and I was so little. I felt like I needed to be an adult when I was merely a pre-teen, I had to try and understand things far from my thinking capabilities. Far from what girls my age had to think about. I didn't particularly have a bad childhood, I had a lot of happy times. But I had to go through a lot of sad times too. And it's crazy how vivid my memories are of the bad times, and that's what keeps me on the ground. My mother always told me that even though I was only 11 / 12 when all of that happened, I was very mature. I was a mature girl in a little girl's body. I thought of consequences and I tried  to understand what my parents were going through. And I understood that the divorce was going to be better for all of us. I couldn't bare seeing my parents fight, I'd rather have my family broken but happy and peaceful. 

Because of that, I think I always had trouble understanding what love is and how it's supposed to feel. Is it supposed to make me feel good about myself ? Is it supposed to make me feel like I'm safe ? And now, I know that love is when I feel like I am cared for. A lot of relationships end because one of them, if not both of them, no longer care. They don't care enough to assume how you would feel, they don't care enough to tell you the truth, they don't care enough to try and understand, they don't care enough to help the relationship, they don't care enough to make the love grow. And that's dangerous. Indifference is dangerous. It's toxic. So my point of all of this is, that even though relationships can be messy and feelings do get hurt, as long as we care about the other enough, the love is going to survive. Another thing that I think is extremely important is that if your love is based on God and for the sake of God, and the love you have is making you a better person,  you can never ever go wrong too. 

That was just my two cents on what I think about relationships, and love in general. Maybe it didn't make much sense but I just had *inspiration* to write today and apparently that was the topic I was inspired by. Being in a relationship with Irfan has been quite a ride haha. We argue occasionally over the littlest things and we do have disagreements but at the end of the day we both know how much we mean to each other and how badly we want this love to work. Cliche, and I'm only 18 but I do think that this is the real deal and that he's the one (Ya Allah please let it be him). That took guts to announce to the world, (or more like to my non-existent blog readers) but yeah. I know I'm willing, and he's willing to go through all the messy parts of being in a relationship together and no matter what we'll always come back to each other. I want to be better and he's not stopping me, and that's so much more than I can ask for already. The other night, we decided that when 2015 comes rolling around, we'll build our resolutions together to become better. And that's honestly the most exciting thing to me right now. I hope we're strong enough to last until we get old and pruny with lots of grandchildren haha. 

Oh and I'd just like to put it out there, that Vivy Yusof (the woman whom I idolise like crazy) and her husband Dean have been together since they were 19/18 and now they're 27 happily married with a cute son and another baby on the way ! So it is possible to have that teenage love bloom into something beautiful like that haha. They are my #lifegoals #relationshipgoals #everykindofgoalthereis. Crazy rich + successful, humble, funny, good looking and they stick to their religion. Damn, what a life. 

Okay now, back to my books. Wish me luck for finals !