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Friday, 4 August 2017

A Change of Perspective



These past few weeks I've been feeling super inspired to live my life a little differently. A big problem of mine that I have but never realised until recently is : I want a lot of things. I kid you not, when I say a lot. I literally had different lists on my Notes app in my phone of all the things I wanted. From fashion items, to beauty, to technology, to furniture. I had at least 10 items on each list. The problem with this was that whenever I had money, instead of saving it, I find a reason to spend it through the lists I make. So just because something is on that list, I'd perceive it as a 'need' when really, it was actually just a 'want'. 


I sort of did a mental calculation earlier of all the money I could have saved since 2014. Why 2014 ? Because that's when I started working part time, and found different ways to make money. But anywaaaay, I could have saved thousands of ringgit if I kept all of the money I earned. Thousands. I am so good at saving up for things (short-term wants), but I'm terrible at just saving up. When I told Irfan about it his response was "But you buy everything with your own money". Which is true.. Some of my purchases were actually very necessary, like a laptop for university, my camera, most of the furniture for my current room, my braces. All of those when accumulated, is still a very big sum for me personally. But y'know, still necessary and I don't hate myself for spending that much on those things. However, I know all of that was probably only half of my earnings. Where did all my other money go ?? Well for starters, definitely not into my bank account. It went to clothes I bought but never really wore, books never read, jewellery stored in a box, all the times I went out and spent money on impulse. SIGH. I could have saved all of that for future use ?! *cries blood*

That's it Izza. You need to stop spending.. Just, stop. 
Or maybe just spend on things you need.

I never would have realised this problem I had until I watched this documentary called Minimalism. It's basically about living a life that is focused on the more important things. Like being happy and content with the life you live, and not being a victim to consumerism and have this constant urge to buy things that are unnecessary. We live in a very materialistic world, can't deny that. It's all about owning the most extravagant things and leading an extravagant lifestyle, and having the latest gadgets or following the latest trends. That's all we see on Instagram and YouTube. And sure, from an average person's point of view, it may seem like these people with all of these really nice things seem happy, but no matter what, money does not equal to total happiness. When you focus on your life, and not acquiring things, you can be so much happier with life. Oh and there is a common misconception that minimalism = having less stuff / having as little as possible. When it's actually more to just keeping stuff you love / need. So if for example, your huge book collection is something you love and value, then you don't have to get rid of them. As long as those things add value to your life and make it better, then there's no harm in keeping them. 

"It's easier to get what you want when you want less."
 SO. TRUE. 

Monday, 3 July 2017

Chances

Image source : Tumblr

You deserve better than that” - I used to say, to anyone who opens up to me about the problems they face in their relationships, whether its about honesty, loyalty, commitment you name it. But that's the thing, my best friend and I both agreed that it's so easy to make decisions when you're not the one facing the problem first hand. It's difficult when you're in that situation because it's not as simple as it sounds when someone says "why can't you just leave ?". They don't know the emotional attachment and sentiments you have towards the other person and the relationship. So you give the person who hurt you a second chance.. and a third.. and a fourth.. and a fifth. 

How many chances would it take for you to give to be considered naive for staying ? There is no definite answer. And I guess that's what it means to have unconditional love for another person. You give and you give and you give, even when you weren't or you're not getting what you want in return. This can also be reflected upon different kinds of love too, how a mother forgives and loves her child no matter how much they break her heart, how Allah gives, and gives, and gives you all the rezeki to you despite you not doing enough for Him. 

Back to the relationship context of things, never take those who give us second chances for granted. We need to understand how hard it is for them to move on and to overlook the mistakes that have been made, to mend the heart that’s already broken, to live everyday after that trying to accept that past is past, to be brave enough to trust again even when they’re scarred and scared, to strengthen themselves so their fears and doubts don't get the best of them, to always believe in the good despite everything that has happened. 

It takes a lot for someone to be able to give out second chances. 

And if you're one of those people who give, you're so strong and you deserve all the love in the world. x


Friday, 23 June 2017

What Ifs


I'm pretty bummed that Ramadan is coming to an end, it flew by this year and although I tried to make the best of it, I know I was capable of doing much more. However, I am grateful for everything. Right before Ramadan started, things happened and I started doubting myself, and the people around me. Then I started thinking of what if scenarios, and we all know that those thoughts usually don't end well. What if I did this differently, what if I didn't do that, what if what if what if. These kind of thoughts set me up for regret and I was really close to hitting that spot. But Allah is the best of planners, there couldn't have been a better time for me to have these feelings than right before Ramadan, because I took this month as an opportunity to really start again, and cleanse myself before I self-destruct. 

I am coming out of Ramadan with a clearer vision this time, and I hope I'm able to focus and not lose sight of what's important ever again. I want to be able to put my religion above everything else, I want to be able to put myself first before everyone else, I want to feel like disappointing myself is a much bigger deal than disappointing other people. I hate that I am consumed by this temporary world we live in. I keep thinking about doing well in my studies, so I could work, and have enough money to live comfortably, but that shouldn't be it. Life is so much more than just that,  and this needs to always be planted in my head : I don't have forever to live, and I could die anytime. Any. Time. I don't want to die knowing that I could have done more. I don't want to break my own heart with the way I live. Ramadan was a breath of fresh air, it was the change of atmosphere that I needed, and I am so ready to keep changing for the better. 

Raya is riiiiight around the corner and I'd like to wish everyone who is reading this Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri ! Maaf Zahir & Batin. I deeply and sincerely apologise if I have ever wronged or offended you in any way, and I hope we can give each other a fresh start. May your Raya celebration be filled with happiness, good food, and nice pictures to post on Instagram hahah. But most of all, I pray that all of our deeds throughout Ramadan are accepted by Allah, and for all of us to be granted Jannah. Hopefully we'll meet each other there one day hehe. InsyaAllah. xx

I'll end this post with a quote I found that I absolutely adored ; 

May Allah answer your secret prayers, wipe away your secret tears, erase your secret fears, and lift you to the position you so dearly desire. 

and,  a Ramadan photo diary ;